Employee Steals More than Just a Few Cell Phones

by Robert Belmont

SPRINGFIELD, OR - A Best Buy employee, Robert Charles Belmont, was arrested early Sunday morning for allegedly stealing four iPhones, eight Blackberry Storms, and four women's virginities.

Belmont was said to have entered the store naked with an erection and a Jansport duffelbag screaming "Activate this bitch!" He proceeded to chop open the cabinets with an axe where the cell phones were stored, and emptied them into his duffel bag.

The virginities were stolen in the geek squad area, where Belmont took four female customers behind willingly and had sex with them. The four women who had their virginities stolen enjoyed the experience and will call Belmont when he gets out of jail.

General Manager Charles Barkley said, "Belmont was always a good employee, this rampage through the store was very out of the blue."

Best Buy Inc. is pressing charges of public nudity, theft, destruction of property, and disturbing the peace. Belmont is being held at Guantamo Bay until his trial that is said to be near the end of March.