KENTFIELD, CALIFORNIA - In a press conference to the public, doctor Brian Jacobson gave a detailed description of his findings on a disease he has been researching for the last ten years. Dr. Jacobson calls the condition Vaginisus, a disease that forms vagina-like openings in adults around the ages of 20-25. According to Dr. Jacobson, the disease can be caused by exceeded exposure to marijuana.
Dr. Jacobson has studied many patients that have been diagnosed with Vaginisus, one named Rowley Montague Thomas. Thomas has been in the presence of a colleague Will Smartt for many years who is an avid
marijuana user. Dr. Jacobson found that Thomas' contraction of the disease was due to second hand consumption of the drug. Dr. Jacobson found discoloration around and on the vaginal area, on Thomas' right cheek. "Thomas exhibited no pain with the vagina on his cheek, he actually reported signs of linkage with his own arousal," Dr. Jacobson said in his report, "any erection he had also made his face vagina wet." Dr. Jacobson has not found a cure yet for the disease, but is experimenting with skin transplants and oatmeal therapy. Dr. Jacobson, however, stopped oatmeal therapy due to reports of it being "just gross looking."
Vaginisus has raised many questions in the legalization of marijuana campaign, due to it being the first disease caused by the drug. Mark Faherty, spokesperson for the legalization of marijuana, when asked to comment said, "We are still trying to analyze the validity of Dr. Jacobson's findings, and are working close with him to go over his connections to marijuana and the disease."
Dr. Jacobson is famous for his earlier findings in the connection between Pizzazz and Babies, for which he won a Nobel Prize.
-RAHB
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