Friday, July 4, 2014

Local All-Around 'Good Guy' Inspires Eugenics Revival


SAN FRANCISCO, CA – Trevor Storey, formerly Dr. Storey, the all-around "good guy" best known for a recent series of San Francisco based post cards that include some of his most penetrating musings on life, has been pegged as the sole inspiration for President Robert Belmont's latest initiative to revive the long out of style eugenics movement.

"As I was reading some of the post cards in the Philistine recently I realized that Trevor is an all-around 'good guy'," President Belmont said during a State of the Union address. "But that won't stop me from breeding humans to make sure this never happens again."

The crux of the issue according to Carter "Barry Bonds" Grady, famed sports legend and still unconvinced friend of the questionably homosexual Sir Matthew Rutledge, is a "Lack of intelligence."


"Listen, I asked Trevor a few basic questions," Grady said to a group of 41,000 before he threw the opening day pitch for the Giants 2014 season. "1. Can you effectively learn to avoid errors? 2. Is Matt actually gay or is it only my dick that he likes to suck? Trevor mumbled something but I couldn't make it out over all the Cheetos and fruit snacks he had in his mouth."

According to subsequent reports following this conversation between Grady and Storey, Storey promptly fell asleep and shit his pants. He was unavailable for comment.