SAN FRANCISCO, CA – In a moment that had occurred many times in the past, and one that would continue to take place for the rest of their lives, a local fellowship collectively realized the final day of the Gregorian year is, in fact, meaningless.
As the clock struck midnight on the west coast, the crowd outside Casanova on Valencia St. was still counting down.
What followed was a series of superfluous countdowns to the same moment, that had already passed.
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| Sports legend Carter 'Barry Bonds' Grady attempting to make sense of the situation. In the confusion of the post-midnight moments many were racing to understand what had transpired. Sports phenomenon Carter 'Barry Bonds' Grady helped reporters catch up with the ball, so to speak. "We were all expecting a big boom, or at least I was," 'Bonds' Grady told The Philistine during his 31 mile New Year's resolution jog. Others were less perturbed by the uncertainty. Local music entrepreneur Chris Cohan decided to send out a mass text to everyone: "Fuck your mothers".  With little regard for New Year's' lack of significance famous artist Matthew Martin curiously lead a mob all the way to Hunter's Point where everyone stopped abruptly and turned around.  "What we all know is true, is that it's really just an opportunity to give all your close buddies a big wet one," Local political science major, and recent graduate (pending some overdue homework assignments), Kyle Sirell explained. "I'll wait a year for that."
Despite all the varying opinions on the evening, The Philistine determined that Martin had the last word. As the night came to a close, he simply kept muttering the word "meaning" over and over until every last New Year's Ever fell asleep, and welcomed January 1st 2011.  The following is a documentary brought to you by the people at The Philistine (The following video in no way reflects the views and opinions of The Philistine Group or its affiliates): |
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