Rutledge wasted no breath trying to announce his new found sexuality. When he arrived at the weekend home of technology veteran Matty Martin his shirt read “I am gay now.”
“It was no surprise to me,” Carter “Barry Bonds” Grady told reporters outside Panda Express on 5th and Market in San Francisco. “Matt has always been hitting on me.”
During a walk to the beach Rutledge began to show visible affection for Derrick Schoening, a former used car salesman. Onlookers, though, were still unsure.
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| Rutledge, in a desperate first move to make his desires clear. |
“I just didn’t buy it,” SAT proctor Patrick Hamilton explained. “You see when I am watching for kids cheating on their SATs, I don’t look for the guys who are looking around, trying to make themselves known, I look for the guys who play it cool.”
Later in the evening Grady captured Rutledge and Schoening ‘in the act’.
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| "Got you fuckers!" |
Experts were still unconvinced of Rutledge’s sudden change of heart. Until his heart was broken when Schoening was discovered in bed with teen crush Nicholas Hinman.
"I was crushed," Rutledge informed the Associated Press while riding MUNI to Blackthorn in the inner sunset to watch the 49ers game Sunday afternoon. "By dinner we had kissed and made up, though."
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| Just moments after getting out of bed with Hinman, Schoening still had a seat at the table next to Rutledge. |
Regardless of Rutledge's sexuality we are told the weekend was still a hit amongst attendees. Which is, apparently, all that matters.
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