I'm sorry to be so serious, but I started to think about death. My parents are old, and not to be morbid, but they could die at any time. I called them tonight just to tell them how much I loved them, just to be sure the last words I said were "I Love You." I got my father to say I love you for the first time in three years. It took a lot. We don't have a relationship where we can be lovey dovey to each other, but I can tell him anything. I can tell him who I slept with, and what I did last night, etc. My mother is the same, except I end every conversation with her saying, "I love you." I can cry in front of both of them, even my father, where emotions beyond love takeover. My father has talked me through some of the hardest times in my life, and approached these times by relating them to his own life, which made me feel normal and safe.
I love my parents to death and I don't know what I would do without them, that's why death scares me so much. I hope to God they see my children, just so I can pass on that much love to someone.
I miss this place I call home with two people I can't live without. I saw them for 1.5 days in an eight month period, so fucking hard. I had this image of them in my mind from eight months previous and seeing them after that was very hard, death is imminent and it's fucked up.
-Rob
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On January 24th my Dad turns 66.
It really trips me out that he will soon be in his 70s.
My Dad is also 13 years older than my Mom. Which means fairly certainly that he will be gone long before she is.
This has always troubled me and makes me need to spend more time with him while he is here.
I have yet to have to face death in my life on any meaningful level and I don't look forward to what it might mean to have a parent die.
When I was in my hypochondriac daze, I realized that it wasn't my health I was worried about as much as it was mortality. But I learned to cope with it and realized that we all live to live and not to die, and I overcame it. But I understand because however selfish self-preservation is, losing one you love is more horrific.
Whyyyyy sooooo serioussssss
yeah, me dying is a hard thing for me to deal with, but others dying is way shadier.
so much shadier
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