Is Anybody Listening?

I stand by the microphone
listening to it like a phone
my shit is like an R2D2 drone;

Your space is too laced
with hydrogen OH MY GOD a nucleotide based
Fuck your face
I want to discredit you
and fill it with mace

I'm so out of tune
I should be like a hippy on shrooms
but when the flowers bloom
you could get it and not leave so soon

I must be on that Ricky shit
but im rhyming like a protruded clit
when it comes to the basics I remember how to spit
But leave the moaning to the girlys don't forget

Reverting back to the old times
Never meant so much as a corona and lime
I spend the hot days of summer
lounging on a unsolved crime

Im gonna end this matter
because I'm so not polite to serve it on a platter
You're oh so not ready to get up and gather
so please don't leave and let your brain splatter

I ran once over the last four months

People always come up to me asking me what they should do with their time. I often say you should find the time to think about what you might do with your time if you had any.

None of us really have any time. Trevor Storey is a textbook example of how little time most of us do not have. He's constantly busy.

The promotion of Elmo Live has actually been giving Trevor a few gray hairs.

I have been especially not busy this past few months. Between watching TV and going to the bathroom I find myself at a loss for anything quite as productive to occupy myself with.

Customizing my Bookmarks Toolbar in Firefox has given me cause to restructure my weekly schedule. It almost pushed my meeting with president-elect Robert Belmont back a few days but luckily I completed my conception early enough to make my flight.

The meeting went well. Until he asked me what he should do with all this time his secretary had freed up for him to theoretically relax for the next week.

"Run," I said.

The misinterpretation had become clear to me as the word rolled off my tongue.

Robert took the comment as a stab at him. He thought I meant that he should run for office, as if I had not found out that he had secured the presidential nomination already. I believe he also took it as a stab at his recent escape attempt from custody where he supposedly regurgitated on a police officer and tried to blind a man with I Can't Believe It's Not Butter spray.

The Wall Street Journal pointed out that Robert would have had a better chance of escaping the unlocked cop car if he had just gotten out and run away rather than walking over to the group of police men and attempting what he had.

I am not one to explain my words, I don't feel they should be questioned. Unfortunately that meant our lunch ended there.

Which brings me to the fact that I clearly lack the insight as to how one should spend their time wisely.

So please stop asking.

-Monty

I present...

The first issue of The Philistine magazine.


Get the full PDF here (It should be clear, but if it is not, click Issue1.pdf, anyone using firefox might have to open in IE or download it if it doesn't work hit me up noob88@gmail.com).

It is clearly a little tardy, forgive me. This is for November 2008.

Please let me know if you want to write an article for any subsequent issues of the magazine or if you have a blog post you feel compelled to include in the magazine.

I am always looking for new articles.

-Monty

Broken Glass Is Everywhere

When one country, let's say for example Beanland, wants to trade with another country, say Riceland, they both are going to produce whatever they specialize in. Obviously Beanland makes beans and Riceland makes rice.

Clearly Riceland is not going to produce beans. Riceland has a comparative advantage in producing rice which in one hour it can produce 1000lbs of rice. While Beanland has a comparative advantage in producing beans of which they can produce 100lbs in one hour.

Riceland's bean production capacity is not great, it can only produce about 10lbs in one hour. Beanland coincidentally cannot produce rice at a very high rate either, about 100lbs in one hour.

Therefore if both Riceland and Beanland decide to engage in free trade then both will benefit. Riceland can produce all of its rice and more while trading for beans. Beanland can do the same with their beans.

Both nations are better off.

But what if a nation is bad at producing everything?

Usually they can still engage in free trade, their labor is cheaper than that of places like Riceland and Beanland who have a comparative advantage therefore they can sell their goods for less.

The rest of the world benefits from lower prices.

Consequently inexpensive labor usually means higher employment. Which is due to the fact that these places that have little to no skilled labor usually sift out the bad eggs from the good, and there are plenty of unskilled eggs out there who flock to areas like this.

I happen to live in a city that is bad at producing everything.

Eugene, Oregon is a place full of bums (unskilled eggs). These men and women, who lack a warm place to sleep and mostly lack the sanity and/or skills to find a job to acquire an insulated environment for nightly dormant rest, are all over the place.

Most of them are also quite fond of crack.

This puts large holes in their pockets. Most of them meander not really bothering anyone but some see themselves as possessing a skill in taking things to support themselves.

This morning I was on my way to school. When I walked into the garage I noticed something immediately that I thought was odd. There was a pile of broken glass next to my driver's side window.

Then of course I notice that the window was shattered.

The only thing that was taken from my car was my 160gb iPod that I paid $395 for last year and is as of now discontinued.

I also spent something like 9,347 hours putting 18,043 songs on this device.

This included tagging music, converting tons of it from flac and copying to no end.

But the worst thing about this theft was the way in which the intruder attempted to access my car.

Upon closer examination I noticed that around the broken window was three little dents.

It appeared that the thief had missed the window three times before achieving the desired blow that shattered it.

What kind of autistic retard can't land a solid blow when breaking a window that is 37" in width?

This troubled me, because I don't appreciate being robbed, but this person seems to lack the skill needed to break a window without denting the surrounding metal.

Eugene's labor market, even in unlawful removal of electronics from locked motor vehicles, still is worse than all other competing labor markets.

It is my contention that Eugene should outsource for all its criminal elements and resolve at least one aspect of its deteriorating economy.

-Monty


Edit: I'd like to thank Beni for offering his economic insight to help me clean up my logic in this article.

I don't like breakfast anymore

Dave and Mike's used to be a place I went to most weekends.

We'd often travel there by means of bike or foot prior to acquiring driver's licenses. I remember a specific day we walked down there from Billy's house.

These days though I am finding more and more that I do not feel very good after I eat breakfast.

Even when it's just cereal or something. I feel tired and drained rather than optimistic about my day.

This doesn't suggest by any stretch that I am talking shit on breakfast. It still in theory is a wonderful meal.

I will now offer a list of my favorite places for breakfast, places I would still go to even though I have changed my mind about breakfast.

Dave and Mike's
There is no question about it. This is the original spot. Where going to breakfast began and hopefully where it might some day continue.


Crepevine
The newest spot I've discovered for breakfast, they've got two locations that I know of. One in San Rafael and one on Fillmore.

Swinger's
Hands down the best pancakes I've ever had. Banana that is, if you get something else you're just a fruit. Only problem is this place is in Santa Monica. Bullshit.

-Monty

Belmont 2012

"I'm gonna finish this fifth" - Robert Belmont

I hope everyone will rally in support of our most promising candidate in many years. He's well aware of his growing fanbase.

Don't forget to read his enthralling story below, it's a true testament to how he would run the country.

Added on 11/24/2008: Also look out for him in this month's issue of The Philistine magazine.

-Monty