Windowkicker

This is what happened when Kinzer tried to kick my window

Tighty Whities Have Never Been So Emasculating

Man Orders "Freedom" Fries in France

by Robert Belmont

ANGERS, FRANCE - Saturday at around 12 p.m. Nicholas Hinman, a 20 year old exchange student from the University of Oregon, ordered what he called "Freedom" fries with his hamburger at a small cafe.

Hinman's order didn't mix well with the French waiter, Jacque Cousteau. Cousteau proceeded to yell at Hinman in French, in words he did not understand.

Bystanders said Hinman pulled a French flag out of his "man-purse," ejaculated on it and rubbed it in the waiters face screaming, "HOLD THE MAYONAISE I HAVE MY OWN." Hinman then proceeded to take off all his clothes, wrap himself in an American flag and run throughout the streets of Angers singing the US national anthem.

The French police are determining whether Hinman's behavior was an act of protest, terrorism, or pleasure. A reward of 10 euros has been put up by the French police for information regarding the whereabouts of Hinman.

Local Berkeley Guy Diagnosed With Lymphoma

BERKELEY, CA -- Local multitask tycoon and toy store employee Dr. Trevor Storey was diagnosed with lymphoma by a colleague at the toy store this afternoon.

The cancer, which is deadly, affects the immune system. Most patients enter chemo immediately if they prefer survival over eminent death.

Dr. Storey told a panel of UC Berkeley medical students on Monday morning that he is opting out of the chemo for the time being.

"I just want to keep my options open," Dr. Storey said. "They really lock you in with that whole process."

Dr. Storey has spent the last eight hours at his computer juggling 38 different tasks. These include fantasy baseball, online poker, world of warcraft, watching SNL on hulu, smoking marijuana, eatind dinner, brushing his teeth, scrabble via facebook with six different people, two different telephone conversations, homework, 19 instant messenger conversations and listening to his iPod amongst other things.

Judging by Dr. Storey's current situation, and ultimately dillemma, The Philistine has placed a wager that he will be dead in 12 days.

Dude, did you just get jacked?

BOH BOH BOH. Right before bed I go outside to walk off a little energy I had left. The burrito from Pancho Villa was still thick in my stomach. As I'm walking down the street I see a biker being chased by some average Berkeley dude. A few friends are running behind them, laughing. Just as the biker duo is passing me I realize that they aren't just having brofun. Homeboy #1 tackles Homeboy #2 off his bike. GIMME ALL YOUR SHIT the dude says. I'm like, oh shit, and I just keep walking slowly. Homeboy #1 starts kicking him on the ground. Why I didn't stand up and say something, I don't know. What was I supposed to say, HEY, STOP DOING THAT. Some serious awkward attention. So anyways, Homeboy #2 tries to get up but unfortunately his foot is caught in his bike frame. He goes down but eventually breaks. He runs past, and the only thing I can say is, Dude, did you just get jacked? He doesn't say anything, he just runs away wimpering, on the verge of tears. Homeboy #1 picks up the bike and his homeboys skirt with him. Nobody pays attention to me, the mere spectator. I walk around the block and pick up the victim's groceries. Chris was pleased with the free spicy Cheez-Its, white bread, and mayo.