Discussting: Bathroom Ethics

I work at my mother's company Navigenics. I sit at a desk in an area with two other guys near by who can see what I'm doing most of the time.

My day is composed of a lot of sitting around updating computers. I usually have lunch around noon and within about an hour I retire to the restroom to take a shit.

Recently I've been taking a book with me to the bathroom when I have to make a bowel movement.

When I retrieve my reading material from my backpack and walk through the office towards the bathroom I start to feel a little strange.

I start to wonder if my having a book under my arm as a travel to and from the bathroom is appropriate.

So my serious question is: is it appropriate for me to take a book with me to the bathroom while I am working and if so does it make people feel like I'm not taking shit seriously?

- Monty

Local Berkeley Guy Bids Farewell to Tuesday

BERKELEY, CA – This morning at precisely 1:33a.m. Trevor Storey said goodbye to Tuesday.

After spending almost eight consecutive hours at his desk on Monday, Storey had taken up the opportunity to spend his Tuesday doing something he considered important.

Reporters are still-hunting for what exactly that “something” was but the one thing that is clear is that Storey was not quite ready for Tuesday to come to an end.

“I was browsing last.fm this morning and that’s when I found it,” Said Benjamin Shpringer. “At 1:33a.m. I saw that Trevor scrobbled the Lynyrd Skynyrd classic ‘Tuesday’s Gone’. I immediately phoned The Philistine.”

That track, which probably began at approximately 1:00a.m., made it clear that Storey had a rough time last night coping with the loss of, what he’d planned to be, a productive day.

“I’m not sure what this is about but yesterday was St. Patrick’s Day.” Said Billy Smartt author of “How To Tell If You’re Gay, Black, Jewish, Mexican or a Woman in 23 Easy Steps”.

Storey, who was performing surgery at the time, was unavailable for comment.

Robert Belmont for President

In 2012 I will be running for president. My counterpart Barack Hussein Obama, stands for change. Why? Change will just spoil us. We need to learn first hand about how hard life is. I stand for a strong centered government, and a liberal innocent bystanderd

-Rob

You can come to class whenever

It doesn't matter.

Get me.

Dude, did you just get jacked?

BOH BOH BOH. Right before bed I go outside to walk off a little energy I had left. The burrito from Pancho Villa was still thick in my stomach. As I'm walking down the street I see a biker being chased by some average Berkeley dude. A few friends are running behind them, laughing. Just as the biker duo is passing me I realize that they aren't just having brofun. Homeboy #1 tackles Homeboy #2 off his bike. GIMME ALL YOUR SHIT the dude says. I'm like, oh shit, and I just keep walking slowly. Homeboy #1 starts kicking him on the ground. Why I didn't stand up and say something, I don't know. What was I supposed to say, HEY, STOP DOING THAT. Some serious awkward attention. So anyways, Homeboy #2 tries to get up but unfortunately his foot is caught in his bike frame. He goes down but eventually breaks. He runs past, and the only thing I can say is, Dude, did you just get jacked? He doesn't say anything, he just runs away wimpering, on the verge of tears. Homeboy #1 picks up the bike and his homeboys skirt with him. Nobody pays attention to me, the mere spectator. I walk around the block and pick up the victim's groceries. Chris was pleased with the free spicy Cheez-Its, white bread, and mayo.

Local Berkeley Guy Turns 21 Leaving No One Surprised

BERKELEY, CA -- Residents of Berkeley and friends of Trevor Todd Storey were not surprised that on February 26th, 2009 Storey turned 21.

"It happened on the same date that his birthday went down on last year." Said Chris Cohan who was there for the unimpressive conclusion to Storey's 21st year.

Storey, a laid back guy, decided to wait until the afternoon of the 26th to purchase alcohol. After not being carded by the Seven Eleven clerk, Storey felt useless.

"It was bonkers." Storey said.

The apartment where Storey resides was littered with gifts that would at first appear to be for a seven year old.

Upon further investigation Storey determined that they were in fact meant for him. Baffled, he decided to go to bed.

The Philistine would like to officially announce that Storey's birthday ended last night at 11:59 p.m. and that he did not hire any outside help for sex at any point after that time.

Cloning Neanderthals

In my biology class yesterday we had a guest speaker, who was pretty much uninformative besides a question he brought up, "Should we clone a Neanderthal?" He showed us an article that had to do with a study where scientists have determined we have enough technology to clone a Neanderthal. This includes the recent completion of the human genome, stem cell research that President Obama has pushed for, and the breakthrough with Dolly the sheep.

The guest speaker asked the class whether or not we should go through with this, and I was really unimpressed with the answers most students responded with. One girl said that we shouldn't clone a Neanderthal because he would be overwhelmed with society and technology, etc. I almost screamed at her, "THIS IS NOT ENCINO MAN MORON". Cloning doesn't pop out a fully grown human like in the movie Multiplicity you idiot. This was funny to me because we spent two or three lectures studying how twins, and or clones are genetically the same, but societal influences can change their political views, their accent, their interests, etc. Another girl said it would be a complete waste of money, because previous human cloning has proven to be a money sink. Tax dollars to chase the dream of cloning a human might not seem right to most tax payers. Many failed experiments have failed after the 4 cell and 6 cell stages of the cloning process.

Now, I don't have to refute the first girl's opinion, because she, well, is basically just a retard. The second girls opinion was true in some cases, but most cloning experiments are privately funded by advocates in the science world. If Mr. Moneybank wants to contribute one billion dollars of his own money to cloning, I say go right ahead. The advances in therapeutic cloning of human body parts could cure heart disease, certain forms of cancer, be used to replace limbs of amputees, and so much more.

Cloning a Neanderthal could tell us so much about who we are today, and who we will be in the future. Neanderthals had larger brain capacities than humans today, but we have no idea why. Having a live Neanderthal to perform cat scans on would open up so many doors in the field of science. Neanderthals also had different voice boxes, raising one in a human family would finally solve the question of Nature vs. Nurture. Answering if being raised around modern language could conquer a less developed part of the body, supporting Darwin's theory. Also we could see how the current human race will do in the future. If this Neanderthal clone dies from his organs not able to adapt to our current climate, we will need to really concentrate on saving our planet from Global Warming.

-RAHB

/serious post

Pop Culture References

Multiplicity - Michael Keaton stars in a Fantasy, Sci-Fi, Comedy where he never has enough time for the things he wants to do is offered the opportunity to have himself cloned.

Encino Man: When they find a frozen caveman (Brendan Fraser) in their backyard, two high school outcasts thaw him out and introduce him to modern day life while he in turn, gets them to actually enjoy life