During further investigation into the matter it was discovered that Dr. Brian Jacobson, of Eugene, OR, was the last one on the pyramid causing the final blow that snapped Big's fibula.
"Dude I swear to god someone is going to break a bone tonight," Big said to Manface when the two met up at Bryan Lock's manor. "I just know it."
Dr. Jacobson pictured here moments before he landed on the dog pile.
Big was driven to the hospital two and a half hours after Grant Martin diagnosed his injuries.
"It wasn't that we were neglecting to take care of him," Manface said. "It's just that Lucas turned on Point Break and we all got sidetracked."
At 11am on July 31st Big was released from the hospital on crutches. Dr. Jacobson escorted him back to the Wilson's home and they made a recovery together.
"The doctors say I need surgery but insurance will not cover the costs and It'll be about 27 weeks before I can walk again," Big said. "The operation is said to be about $2.5 million, something to do with a Dr. Storey and his excessive retainer."
Grant Martin pictured here with Attorney General Lucas Wilson on their way to the gym.
With 12 albums in the pipeline this is not the most ideal time for Big to be out. He is confident though that William Smartt, of Smartt Investments, will be able to raise enough capital for his surgery.
"If not I can always hit up Jack Herr," Big said. "I owe him about $34,000 for all those times we went to Sweden House, but he's such a push over, you know?"
President Belmont was unavailable to comment, due to the recent purchase of an Xbox 360.
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4 comments:
now thats what I call a fucking headline.
Unfortunately, Smart(t) Investments LLC., is waiting for our chunk of the government bailout, and until that happens, high risk investments like this one will be postponed indefinitely.
UPDATE 8/6/09: "SMARTT INVESTMENTS WINS BIG, MARKET LOSES, AN INVESTIGATION FOLLOWS"
TIBURON, CA -- At 9am this morning Lil' Big entered surgery. The operation was funded by a subsidiary of President Belmont's Medical Investment Program (MIP).
The new health initiative, unlike its socialized predecessor, uses capital raised through traditional avenues. The money is then distributed to different patients based on their likelihood to survive surgery.
Stock in the operations can be purchased on the Medical Industrial Average (MIA). If patients become ill or die most of the stocks fail. Due to heavy shorting by outside investors, the money is redistributed.
Lil' Big came out of surgery badly beaten this afternoon. His other ankle now severely damaged (the tibia was melted during surgery). Smart(t) Investments LLC. happened to short Big's operation for $23m.
There is currently an investigation being conducted by the SEC into Smart(t) Investments and its founder, William Smartt. According to AP reports Smartt was made aware that Dr. Trevor Storey is the only man on Belmont's medical staff.
Dr. Storey is famous for smoking marijuana during surgery which was the cause of the fire that melted Big's foot.
^^ no comment.
sorry america
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