A Less Than Perfect Shopping Experience

SPRINGFIELD, OR -- Local shoppers at Gateway Mall encountered a disturbance Friday morning. Robert Belmont set up shop in the parking lot of the mall selling used electronics that ranged from flat screen TV's to blenders. However, all of Belmont's employee's helped customers in the nude. Belmont's criminal past includes many incidents involving public indecency, so the Springfield Police patrolled the area heavily.

"I'm not doing anything wrong," Belmont said, "In Oregon public nudity is not a criminal offense."

Later on in the evening Belmont slipped up. The parking lot bargain sale included an open bar, and customers started to participate in the nudity with Belmont and his employees. Around 5 p.m. Belmont was found naked and erect spray painting a large sign that read "FREE ORGY," close to the entrance of the mall's parking lot.

Authorities returned to the mall and tried to break up the massive gang bang, but were overpowered by the growing mob of participants. Two officers fell in the line of duty when Belmont, mid thrust, hurled a flaming Plasma TV at a police vehicle, causing the car to explode.

Officer Melissa Torres, and officer Frank Compton, both suffered 3rd degree burns. They were rushed to Lane County Hospital, but were pronounced dead hours later.

Belmont faces a life sentence, and the court date is set for the 6th of September.

"I'm going to miss my Amtrak Train back to the Bay Area damn," commented Belmont, "I had a roomette and all."

Robert Belmont