The Philistine Finds Audience in Anonymous Internet User

CO? – As The Philistine, again, missed its long over-due printing deadline, an anonymous internet user posted a comment.

It was determined, from a painstaking 27 month study of The Philistine's google analytics page, that the culprit is this man:

"After President Belmont phoned me I went over to the university and apprehended Mr. Grady," a Colorado state trooper said.

The man that our friends at the Colorado State Patrol picked up was identified as Carter Grady, identification was further clarified by The Philistine staff once the above image was received.

"The man is actually sports phenomenon Carter 'Barry Bonds' Grady," Philistine staffer, and sports enthusiast, Trevor Storey said. "I mean I didn't even bat an eye when I saw that photo."

During the interrogation the following slides were presented to Grady in order to prove to him that he was in fact the aforementioned "Anonymous" internet user.

The first piece of evidence shows the traffic coming to The Philistine from the state of Colorado, which was all stemming from the city of Boulder, where Grady resides.

As Grady was presented the second image, he involuntarily yelled out the expression "BOOM!"

"We had to make sure it was him," Attorney General Lucas Wilson said, as he exited the interrogation room.

Grady was beaten with a 2lb bag of skittles until the bag burst and hysteria ensued.

"Why did you guys arrest me if I'm you're only fan?" Grady eventually asked, after things had calmed down.

The Philistine promptly released him.

Local Best Buy Manager Breeds Award Winning Persian Cats

EUGENE, OR - Local assailant and cell phone salesman turned manager, Robert Belmont, has dropped his cell phones and picked up kittens. Belmont bred four Persian Cats this last year and has achieved 4 Blue ribbons at the Eugene Cat Fancier's Tournament.

"I just like pussy," Belmont says, "there isn't any amount of words that sums up the pride one gets by breeding pussy and then winning an award for it."

One of Belmont's Cats, Hermoine, won best in class for Persian's, and won a best in show ribbon as well.

"Hermoine is a good pussy, she knows she is too you can tell by the way she walks," says Belmont.

Belmont is a rookie in the cat breeding world and is the youngest breeder to win a best in show and best in class ribbon for his cats.

Introducing the Eugene Skate Kr3w

The Interview

Predictably, Christmas time came to an odd close. The wrapping up of 2010 was phenomenally unemotional. Which is, partially, why The Philistine felt compelled to cover this extraordinary exchange between political scientist, and cigarette activist, Kyle Sirell and actual scientist Dr. Brian Jacobson.