SAN FRANCISCO, CA -- After a fight that broke out over who is better at file sharing, two guys kissed and made up.
The dispute started when local vegetable salesman, Sean Tai, ignited a cigarette while standing next to Philistine contributor, Rock & Roll Rowley I.
“I didn’t even hear him walk up at first,” Rowley said. “But by the time he started talking it was fuckin’ over.”
The two followed their initial encounter by exchanging empty gestures and casual conversation, until Tai brought up his long overdue need to move from Windows Vista to Windows XP.
“Monty had been saying for months how he would hook me up with some Lenovo recovery discs,” Tai said. “I was at my wit's end.”
The discussion deteriorated rapidly to a debate over who had the best ratios on numerous torrent sites, that the two fighters happened to belong to.
“They’re both faggots,” William Smartt of Smart(t) Investments® said.
It was unclear who threw the first punch, but when the smoke settled it was even less clear as to how the two had resolved their disputation.
Thank heavens it’s over though.
Showing posts with label economics. Show all posts
Showing posts with label economics. Show all posts
Friday, January 8, 2010
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Local San Francisco Guy Arrives
SAN FRANCISCO, CA -- On July 30th Manface arrived. On July 31st at 3:47am Lil' Big broke his ankle during a dog pile organized by Attorney General Lucas Wilson.
During further investigation into the matter it was discovered that Dr. Brian Jacobson, of Eugene, OR, was the last one on the pyramid causing the final blow that snapped Big's fibula.
"Dude I swear to god someone is going to break a bone tonight," Big said to Manface when the two met up at Bryan Lock's manor. "I just know it."
Big was driven to the hospital two and a half hours after Grant Martin diagnosed his injuries.
"It wasn't that we were neglecting to take care of him," Manface said. "It's just that Lucas turned on Point Break and we all got sidetracked."
At 11am on July 31st Big was released from the hospital on crutches. Dr. Jacobson escorted him back to the Wilson's home and they made a recovery together.
"The doctors say I need surgery but insurance will not cover the costs and It'll be about 27 weeks before I can walk again," Big said. "The operation is said to be about $2.5 million, something to do with a Dr. Storey and his excessive retainer."
With 12 albums in the pipeline this is not the most ideal time for Big to be out. He is confident though that William Smartt, of Smartt Investments, will be able to raise enough capital for his surgery.
"If not I can always hit up Jack Herr," Big said. "I owe him about $34,000 for all those times we went to Sweden House, but he's such a push over, you know?"
President Belmont was unavailable to comment, due to the recent purchase of an Xbox 360.
During further investigation into the matter it was discovered that Dr. Brian Jacobson, of Eugene, OR, was the last one on the pyramid causing the final blow that snapped Big's fibula.
"Dude I swear to god someone is going to break a bone tonight," Big said to Manface when the two met up at Bryan Lock's manor. "I just know it."
Dr. Jacobson pictured here moments before he landed on the dog pile.
Big was driven to the hospital two and a half hours after Grant Martin diagnosed his injuries.
"It wasn't that we were neglecting to take care of him," Manface said. "It's just that Lucas turned on Point Break and we all got sidetracked."
At 11am on July 31st Big was released from the hospital on crutches. Dr. Jacobson escorted him back to the Wilson's home and they made a recovery together.
"The doctors say I need surgery but insurance will not cover the costs and It'll be about 27 weeks before I can walk again," Big said. "The operation is said to be about $2.5 million, something to do with a Dr. Storey and his excessive retainer."
Grant Martin pictured here with Attorney General Lucas Wilson on their way to the gym.
With 12 albums in the pipeline this is not the most ideal time for Big to be out. He is confident though that William Smartt, of Smartt Investments, will be able to raise enough capital for his surgery.
"If not I can always hit up Jack Herr," Big said. "I owe him about $34,000 for all those times we went to Sweden House, but he's such a push over, you know?"
President Belmont was unavailable to comment, due to the recent purchase of an Xbox 360.
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Tighty Whities Have Never Been So Emasculating
Saturday, May 9, 2009
MF Doom - Born Like This
Born Like this is MF Doom's newest album released in March of this year. Born like this was a title chosen based on the poem by Charles Bukowski called Dinosauria, We. Doom uses a sample of Bukowski reciting this poem in the 10th track on the album titled Cellz. This new release from Doom is very similar to his old albums, where he uses samples from the Fantastic Four's enemy Dr. Doom. Some highlight tracks I enjoyed were: Ballskin, Cellz, Rap Ambush, and Lightworks. My favorite track off the album, however, is That's That, it shows a somber side of Doom which I had never heardbefore. Tracklist:
01. Supervillain Intro
02. Gazillion Ear
03. Ballskin
04. Yessir [ft. Raekwon]
05. Absolutely
06. Rap Ambush
07. Lightworks
08. Batty-Boys
09. Angelz [ft. Tony Starks]
09. Cellz
10. Still Dope [ft. Empress Sharhh]
11. Microwave Mayo
12. More Rhymin' [ft. Kurious]
13. That's That
14. Suppervillainz
15. Bump's Message
16. Thank Ya
Link to Charles Bukowski's poem : http://rasml.org/dinosauria-we/
-RAHB
Categories:
breakfast,
business,
Celebrity Encounters,
dying,
economics,
mf doom,
Music (Preview),
racism,
sentences,
theft,
time,
vacation,
World of Warcraft
Friday, April 3, 2009
The Loss of Identity with Sobriety
As some of you know I am choosing to become sober of alcohol and other substances. This mainly is because of my abuse of them. I am 21 days sober, and it has been very strange to me. I used the word strange, because I don't know what 21 year old's do for fun without alcohol. What I saw as fun was going out and getting drunk with friends towards the end of the week. Now don't get me wrong I loved doing this, and I had some very good times with the bottle, but it was taking my life and putting it in a blender.
What I am feeling now after 21 days without a drink is my loss of social identity. What do I do without drinking? The first weekend back from spring break starts tonight, and the only thing I can think of that doesn't involve drinking is watching a movie. This might be a normal thing for someone who doesn't go out on weekends, but it's the only thing I have resorted to not just at nights, but all day. Being sober has made me realize I have no life, and it's scary. Drinking halted many of my hobbies that I had as a teenager. My hobbies now include drinking from 1pm til 5 am.
I feel healthy which is the most important thing, and all of you guys have been very supportive which makes it a whole lot easier. Having to deal with the constant pressure of people trying to get me to drink, or thinking my sobriety is a joke would have made this a whole lot harder. Thank you.
/press release
-Rahb formerly known as Ricky
What I am feeling now after 21 days without a drink is my loss of social identity. What do I do without drinking? The first weekend back from spring break starts tonight, and the only thing I can think of that doesn't involve drinking is watching a movie. This might be a normal thing for someone who doesn't go out on weekends, but it's the only thing I have resorted to not just at nights, but all day. Being sober has made me realize I have no life, and it's scary. Drinking halted many of my hobbies that I had as a teenager. My hobbies now include drinking from 1pm til 5 am.
I feel healthy which is the most important thing, and all of you guys have been very supportive which makes it a whole lot easier. Having to deal with the constant pressure of people trying to get me to drink, or thinking my sobriety is a joke would have made this a whole lot harder. Thank you.
/press release
-Rahb formerly known as Ricky
Categories:
Boring,
Celebrity Encounters,
dying,
economics,
racism,
sobriety,
World of Warcraft
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Cloning Neanderthals
In my biology class yesterday we had a guest speaker, who was pretty much uninformative besides a question he brought up, "Should we clone a Neanderthal?" He showed us an article that had to do with a study where scientists have determined we have enough technology to clone a Neanderthal. This includes the recent completion of the human genome, stem cell research that President Obama has pushed for, and the breakthrough with Dolly the sheep.
The guest speaker asked the class whether or not we should go through with this, and I was really unimpressed with the answers most students responded with. One girl said that we shouldn't clone a Neanderthal because he would be overwhelmed with society and technology, etc. I almost screamed at her, "THIS IS NOT ENCINO MAN MORON". Cloning doesn't pop out a fully grown human like in the movie Multiplicity you idiot. This was funny to me because we spent two or three lectures studying how twins, and or clones are genetically the same, but societal influences can change their political views, their accent, their interests, etc. Another girl said it would be a complete waste of money, because previous human cloning has proven to be a money sink. Tax dollars to chase the dream of cloning a human might not seem right to most tax payers. Many failed experiments have failed after the 4 cell and 6 cell stages of the cloning process.
Now, I don't have to refute the first girl's opinion, because she, well, is basically just a retard. The second girls opinion was true in some cases, but most cloning experiments are privately funded by advocates in the science world. If Mr. Moneybank wants to contribute one billion dollars of his own money to cloning, I say go right ahead. The advances in therapeutic cloning of human body parts could cure heart disease, certain forms of cancer, be used to replace limbs of amputees, and so much more.
Cloning a Neanderthal could tell us so much about who we are today, and who we will be in the future. Neanderthals had larger brain capacities than humans today, but we have no idea why. Having a live Neanderthal to perform cat scans on would open up so many doors in the field of science. Neanderthals also had different voice boxes, raising one in a human family would finally solve the question of Nature vs. Nurture. Answering if being raised around modern language could conquer a less developed part of the body, supporting Darwin's theory. Also we could see how the current human race will do in the future. If this Neanderthal clone dies from his organs not able to adapt to our current climate, we will need to really concentrate on saving our planet from Global Warming.
-RAHB
/serious post
Pop Culture References
Multiplicity - Michael Keaton stars in a Fantasy, Sci-Fi, Comedy where he never has enough time for the things he wants to do is offered the opportunity to have himself cloned.
Encino Man: When they find a frozen caveman (Brendan Fraser) in their backyard, two high school outcasts thaw him out and introduce him to modern day life while he in turn, gets them to actually enjoy life
The guest speaker asked the class whether or not we should go through with this, and I was really unimpressed with the answers most students responded with. One girl said that we shouldn't clone a Neanderthal because he would be overwhelmed with society and technology, etc. I almost screamed at her, "THIS IS NOT ENCINO MAN MORON". Cloning doesn't pop out a fully grown human like in the movie Multiplicity you idiot. This was funny to me because we spent two or three lectures studying how twins, and or clones are genetically the same, but societal influences can change their political views, their accent, their interests, etc. Another girl said it would be a complete waste of money, because previous human cloning has proven to be a money sink. Tax dollars to chase the dream of cloning a human might not seem right to most tax payers. Many failed experiments have failed after the 4 cell and 6 cell stages of the cloning process.
Now, I don't have to refute the first girl's opinion, because she, well, is basically just a retard. The second girls opinion was true in some cases, but most cloning experiments are privately funded by advocates in the science world. If Mr. Moneybank wants to contribute one billion dollars of his own money to cloning, I say go right ahead. The advances in therapeutic cloning of human body parts could cure heart disease, certain forms of cancer, be used to replace limbs of amputees, and so much more.
Cloning a Neanderthal could tell us so much about who we are today, and who we will be in the future. Neanderthals had larger brain capacities than humans today, but we have no idea why. Having a live Neanderthal to perform cat scans on would open up so many doors in the field of science. Neanderthals also had different voice boxes, raising one in a human family would finally solve the question of Nature vs. Nurture. Answering if being raised around modern language could conquer a less developed part of the body, supporting Darwin's theory. Also we could see how the current human race will do in the future. If this Neanderthal clone dies from his organs not able to adapt to our current climate, we will need to really concentrate on saving our planet from Global Warming.
-RAHB
/serious post
Pop Culture References
Multiplicity - Michael Keaton stars in a Fantasy, Sci-Fi, Comedy where he never has enough time for the things he wants to do is offered the opportunity to have himself cloned.
Encino Man: When they find a frozen caveman (Brendan Fraser) in their backyard, two high school outcasts thaw him out and introduce him to modern day life while he in turn, gets them to actually enjoy life
Categories:
Boring,
Celebrity Encounters,
dying,
economics,
racism,
time,
Winter,
World of Warcraft
Monday, February 9, 2009
Introducing...The Jello Pack!
Have you ever wanted to eat Jello on the go, but can never remember to pack enough to satisfy your Jello needs? Well, the thinktanks over at R-O-B Enterprises have just the product for you! The Jello Pack©!
Features:
-Refrigerated, 44 ounce Jello reservoir
-12 pockets
-Padded straps
-A/C adapter
-Speakers and headphone jack
Included with Jello Pack:
-100 assorted colored straws
-2 Crazy Jello Straws©
-Authentic Jello baseball cap
-A/C cord
-4 D batteries
-64 packs of assorted flavor Jello©
All for only 6 easy payments of $24.99

Copyright R-O-B Enterprises 2009
Features:
-Refrigerated, 44 ounce Jello reservoir
-12 pockets
-Padded straps
-A/C adapter
-Speakers and headphone jack
Included with Jello Pack:
-100 assorted colored straws
-2 Crazy Jello Straws©
-Authentic Jello baseball cap
-A/C cord
-4 D batteries
-64 packs of assorted flavor Jello©
All for only 6 easy payments of $24.99

Copyright R-O-B Enterprises 2009
Categories:
breakfast,
Celebrity Encounters,
economics,
food,
Scooters,
video games,
Winter
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Who is this Obama guy?
Okay so he’s black. I get that. He may have gotten a job working with the Government in Washington.
But who the fuck does he think he is?
He’s trying to close up Guantanamo. Which is just a prison that spawned a great movie.
And now that he’s on the scene I have no idea where George Bush went.
That dude had a funny ass show on C-SPAN2.
I’m not sure what the deal is.
- Rob & Monty
But who the fuck does he think he is?
He’s trying to close up Guantanamo. Which is just a prison that spawned a great movie.
And now that he’s on the scene I have no idea where George Bush went.
That dude had a funny ass show on C-SPAN2.
I’m not sure what the deal is.
- Rob & Monty
Categories:
Boring,
Celebrity Encounters,
economics,
pooping,
Scooters
Steel Reserve
This is an ode to the most potent of malt beers. I drink you and you get me drunk! I forget about your counterpart and drink you at 3am. I know it's sad but you get me whenever I feel like I need you. Your potency gets me every time.
Categories:
dying,
economics,
food,
John Denver,
theft
Monday, January 26, 2009
Things I Do Like! (xanax edition)
1. I do like new socks.

2. I do like 1.5 TB hard drives for under 200 dollars.



3. I do like Wild Turkey.

4. I do like Vicodin.

5. I do like Blackberrys.

6. I do like High Definition Audio and Video.

7. I do like Gordo's Burritos (which I really need...badly).

8. I do like ssh.

9. I do like Andres Segovia.

10. I do like skateboards.

2. I do like 1.5 TB hard drives for under 200 dollars.



3. I do like Wild Turkey.

4. I do like Vicodin.

5. I do like Blackberrys.

6. I do like High Definition Audio and Video.

7. I do like Gordo's Burritos (which I really need...badly).

8. I do like ssh.

9. I do like Andres Segovia.

10. I do like skateboards.
Categories:
economics,
food,
pooping,
video games,
Winter
Monday, January 12, 2009
Airports are fucking Shamele$$
On a journey that at its conclusion will have taken approximately 16 hours, I am hungry.
I hate eating in fucking airports. Especially after I've been in another country or something that has caused me to miss the food I covet at home.
When my first meal is a BBQ chicken pizza from a CPK express I am usually dissapointed. It is not the kind of transition I like to make back to the land where my meal options are so satisfying.
On this particular trip I have been cut no slack by the restaurants at Atlanta's airport. Upon reviewing my options I came to my last resort. Pizza Hut Express.
At first it didn't seem all that bad. It was not until I sat down to eat my long overdue meal that I was hit with the outrageous realization that I had been ripped off beyond my expectations.

I was met with this fucking piece of pizza which if you can't tell measures about 4" in diameter.
To the right of this pizza is my receipt that tells the story (in numbers) of how I got fucked over.
$6.08 was what this pie cost me along with a medium (which is the smallest size they offer) coke.
Fuck airports. They get you when you're hungry and convinced that you need.
-Monty
I hate eating in fucking airports. Especially after I've been in another country or something that has caused me to miss the food I covet at home.
When my first meal is a BBQ chicken pizza from a CPK express I am usually dissapointed. It is not the kind of transition I like to make back to the land where my meal options are so satisfying.
On this particular trip I have been cut no slack by the restaurants at Atlanta's airport. Upon reviewing my options I came to my last resort. Pizza Hut Express.
At first it didn't seem all that bad. It was not until I sat down to eat my long overdue meal that I was hit with the outrageous realization that I had been ripped off beyond my expectations.
I was met with this fucking piece of pizza which if you can't tell measures about 4" in diameter.
To the right of this pizza is my receipt that tells the story (in numbers) of how I got fucked over.
$6.08 was what this pie cost me along with a medium (which is the smallest size they offer) coke.
Fuck airports. They get you when you're hungry and convinced that you need.
-Monty
Monday, December 15, 2008
I ran once over the last four months
People always come up to me asking me what they should do with their time. I often say you should find the time to think about what you might do with your time if you had any.
None of us really have any time. Trevor Storey is a textbook example of how little time most of us do not have. He's constantly busy.
The promotion of Elmo Live has actually been giving Trevor a few gray hairs.
I have been especially not busy this past few months. Between watching TV and going to the bathroom I find myself at a loss for anything quite as productive to occupy myself with.
Customizing my Bookmarks Toolbar in Firefox has given me cause to restructure my weekly schedule. It almost pushed my meeting with president-elect Robert Belmont back a few days but luckily I completed my conception early enough to make my flight.
The meeting went well. Until he asked me what he should do with all this time his secretary had freed up for him to theoretically relax for the next week.
"Run," I said.
The misinterpretation had become clear to me as the word rolled off my tongue.
Robert took the comment as a stab at him. He thought I meant that he should run for office, as if I had not found out that he had secured the presidential nomination already. I believe he also took it as a stab at his recent escape attempt from custody where he supposedly regurgitated on a police officer and tried to blind a man with I Can't Believe It's Not Butter spray.
The Wall Street Journal pointed out that Robert would have had a better chance of escaping the unlocked cop car if he had just gotten out and run away rather than walking over to the group of police men and attempting what he had.
I am not one to explain my words, I don't feel they should be questioned. Unfortunately that meant our lunch ended there.
Which brings me to the fact that I clearly lack the insight as to how one should spend their time wisely.
So please stop asking.
-Monty
Categories:
Boring,
Celebrity Encounters,
dying,
economics,
fall,
John Denver
Thursday, December 4, 2008
I present...
The first issue of The Philistine magazine.

Get the full PDF here (It should be clear, but if it is not, click Issue1.pdf, anyone using firefox might have to open in IE or download it if it doesn't work hit me up noob88@gmail.com).
It is clearly a little tardy, forgive me. This is for November 2008.
Please let me know if you want to write an article for any subsequent issues of the magazine or if you have a blog post you feel compelled to include in the magazine.
I am always looking for new articles.
-Monty

Get the full PDF here (It should be clear, but if it is not, click Issue1.pdf, anyone using firefox might have to open in IE or download it if it doesn't work hit me up noob88@gmail.com).
It is clearly a little tardy, forgive me. This is for November 2008.
Please let me know if you want to write an article for any subsequent issues of the magazine or if you have a blog post you feel compelled to include in the magazine.
I am always looking for new articles.
-Monty
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Broken Glass Is Everywhere
When one country, let's say for example Beanland, wants to trade with another country, say Riceland, they both are going to produce whatever they specialize in. Obviously Beanland makes beans and Riceland makes rice.
Clearly Riceland is not going to produce beans. Riceland has a comparative advantage in producing rice which in one hour it can produce 1000lbs of rice. While Beanland has a comparative advantage in producing beans of which they can produce 100lbs in one hour.
Riceland's bean production capacity is not great, it can only produce about 10lbs in one hour. Beanland coincidentally cannot produce rice at a very high rate either, about 100lbs in one hour.
Therefore if both Riceland and Beanland decide to engage in free trade then both will benefit. Riceland can produce all of its rice and more while trading for beans. Beanland can do the same with their beans.
Both nations are better off.
But what if a nation is bad at producing everything?
Usually they can still engage in free trade, their labor is cheaper than that of places like Riceland and Beanland who have a comparative advantage therefore they can sell their goods for less.
The rest of the world benefits from lower prices.
Consequently inexpensive labor usually means higher employment. Which is due to the fact that these places that have little to no skilled labor usually sift out the bad eggs from the good, and there are plenty of unskilled eggs out there who flock to areas like this.
I happen to live in a city that is bad at producing everything.
Eugene, Oregon is a place full of bums (unskilled eggs). These men and women, who lack a warm place to sleep and mostly lack the sanity and/or skills to find a job to acquire an insulated environment for nightly dormant rest, are all over the place.
Most of them are also quite fond of crack.
This puts large holes in their pockets. Most of them meander not really bothering anyone but some see themselves as possessing a skill in taking things to support themselves.
This morning I was on my way to school. When I walked into the garage I noticed something immediately that I thought was odd. There was a pile of broken glass next to my driver's side window.
Then of course I notice that the window was shattered.
The only thing that was taken from my car was my 160gb iPod that I paid $395 for last year and is as of now discontinued.
I also spent something like 9,347 hours putting 18,043 songs on this device.
This included tagging music, converting tons of it from flac and copying to no end.
But the worst thing about this theft was the way in which the intruder attempted to access my car.
Upon closer examination I noticed that around the broken window was three little dents.
It appeared that the thief had missed the window three times before achieving the desired blow that shattered it.
What kind of autistic retard can't land a solid blow when breaking a window that is 37" in width?
This troubled me, because I don't appreciate being robbed, but this person seems to lack the skill needed to break a window without denting the surrounding metal.
Eugene's labor market, even in unlawful removal of electronics from locked motor vehicles, still is worse than all other competing labor markets.
It is my contention that Eugene should outsource for all its criminal elements and resolve at least one aspect of its deteriorating economy.
-Monty

Edit: I'd like to thank Beni for offering his economic insight to help me clean up my logic in this article.
Clearly Riceland is not going to produce beans. Riceland has a comparative advantage in producing rice which in one hour it can produce 1000lbs of rice. While Beanland has a comparative advantage in producing beans of which they can produce 100lbs in one hour.
Riceland's bean production capacity is not great, it can only produce about 10lbs in one hour. Beanland coincidentally cannot produce rice at a very high rate either, about 100lbs in one hour.
Therefore if both Riceland and Beanland decide to engage in free trade then both will benefit. Riceland can produce all of its rice and more while trading for beans. Beanland can do the same with their beans.
Both nations are better off.
But what if a nation is bad at producing everything?
Usually they can still engage in free trade, their labor is cheaper than that of places like Riceland and Beanland who have a comparative advantage therefore they can sell their goods for less.
The rest of the world benefits from lower prices.
Consequently inexpensive labor usually means higher employment. Which is due to the fact that these places that have little to no skilled labor usually sift out the bad eggs from the good, and there are plenty of unskilled eggs out there who flock to areas like this.
I happen to live in a city that is bad at producing everything.
Eugene, Oregon is a place full of bums (unskilled eggs). These men and women, who lack a warm place to sleep and mostly lack the sanity and/or skills to find a job to acquire an insulated environment for nightly dormant rest, are all over the place.
Most of them are also quite fond of crack.
This puts large holes in their pockets. Most of them meander not really bothering anyone but some see themselves as possessing a skill in taking things to support themselves.
This morning I was on my way to school. When I walked into the garage I noticed something immediately that I thought was odd. There was a pile of broken glass next to my driver's side window.
Then of course I notice that the window was shattered.
The only thing that was taken from my car was my 160gb iPod that I paid $395 for last year and is as of now discontinued.
I also spent something like 9,347 hours putting 18,043 songs on this device.
This included tagging music, converting tons of it from flac and copying to no end.
But the worst thing about this theft was the way in which the intruder attempted to access my car.
Upon closer examination I noticed that around the broken window was three little dents.
It appeared that the thief had missed the window three times before achieving the desired blow that shattered it.
What kind of autistic retard can't land a solid blow when breaking a window that is 37" in width?
This troubled me, because I don't appreciate being robbed, but this person seems to lack the skill needed to break a window without denting the surrounding metal.
Eugene's labor market, even in unlawful removal of electronics from locked motor vehicles, still is worse than all other competing labor markets.
It is my contention that Eugene should outsource for all its criminal elements and resolve at least one aspect of its deteriorating economy.
-Monty

Edit: I'd like to thank Beni for offering his economic insight to help me clean up my logic in this article.
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