Why Intel (really) Rulez

Europe Fines Intel $1.45 Billion in Antitrust Case

BRUSSELS — The European Commission fined Intel a record 1.06 billion euros Wednesday for abusing its dominance in the computer chip market, the strongest sign yet that regulators worldwide are serious about opening the technology sector to competition.

The European Union's competition commissioner, Neelie Kroes, said the penalty against Intel, the equivalent of $1.45 billion, was justified because the company had skewed competition and denied consumers a choice for chips.

Sorry Trevor, it has nothing to do with their "clever" marketing. Read the rest here.

American Richard Producer's Association

Local Berkeley Guy Diagnosed With Lymphoma

BERKELEY, CA -- Local multitask tycoon and toy store employee Dr. Trevor Storey was diagnosed with lymphoma by a colleague at the toy store this afternoon.

The cancer, which is deadly, affects the immune system. Most patients enter chemo immediately if they prefer survival over eminent death.

Dr. Storey told a panel of UC Berkeley medical students on Monday morning that he is opting out of the chemo for the time being.

"I just want to keep my options open," Dr. Storey said. "They really lock you in with that whole process."

Dr. Storey has spent the last eight hours at his computer juggling 38 different tasks. These include fantasy baseball, online poker, world of warcraft, watching SNL on hulu, smoking marijuana, eatind dinner, brushing his teeth, scrabble via facebook with six different people, two different telephone conversations, homework, 19 instant messenger conversations and listening to his iPod amongst other things.

Judging by Dr. Storey's current situation, and ultimately dillemma, The Philistine has placed a wager that he will be dead in 12 days.

Really, it doesn't bother me

Say it like it is.


Get me

Local Berkeley Guy Turns 21 Leaving No One Surprised

BERKELEY, CA -- Residents of Berkeley and friends of Trevor Todd Storey were not surprised that on February 26th, 2009 Storey turned 21.

"It happened on the same date that his birthday went down on last year." Said Chris Cohan who was there for the unimpressive conclusion to Storey's 21st year.

Storey, a laid back guy, decided to wait until the afternoon of the 26th to purchase alcohol. After not being carded by the Seven Eleven clerk, Storey felt useless.

"It was bonkers." Storey said.

The apartment where Storey resides was littered with gifts that would at first appear to be for a seven year old.

Upon further investigation Storey determined that they were in fact meant for him. Baffled, he decided to go to bed.

The Philistine would like to officially announce that Storey's birthday ended last night at 11:59 p.m. and that he did not hire any outside help for sex at any point after that time.

An open e-mail from Billy Smartt Fwd: Today! African American Leadership Symposium

Below is an e-mail forwarded to me by Billy Smartt.

The subject as you can see is about African American leadership or some garbage.

The ridiculous thing about this shit, is how blatantly racist it is. Like imagine if that e-mail's subject was "Today! White American Leadership Symposium"

I saw a sign that advertised the "Black Student Union" at COM, and I immediately thought "is it cool if I just throw up a sign that says 'White Student Union'?"

I mean what the fuck.

I think I might do it.

The e-mail:
Thought you might be interested...

Sent from my iPhone

Begin forwarded message:

From: "USFconnect Message" <pleasedonotreply@usfca.edu>
Date: February 18, 2009 11:51:39 AM PST
To: undisclosed-recipients:;
Subject: Today! African American Leadership Symposium

Today is the second day of the Magis Leadership Symposium: African American Perspectives. Please join University Life and Athletics for this vibrant discussion about leadership.

During Black History Month and Homecoming Week, this symposium uniquely combines education, leadership and athletics from an African American perspective. This event brings together members of the Bay area black community, USF African American alumni, and current students, faculty and staff to discuss pathways to education and tools for academic success.

- Monty

The Many Steps of Life (A Photographic Journey)

As a young boy, I was full of excitement. The hot bodies of my close friends had me giddy with excitement for weeks in advance. I remember an August when my friend Dwight was having his body rubbed in hot oil at a playground in Santa Cruz. The playground was an abandoned prison with points to stop and hold each other's hand. After the playground excursion we stayed at his beach house and watched movies like "The Notebook" and "Love Actually". We were spoiled. His Santa Cruz house had a whale watching 3rd floor with a telescope in the shape of a penis. I have never been as excited since then.



As a young adult, I went to Europe for a month, backpacking through foreign countries with no expectations. I wouldn't say I had excitement, I would say I had hesitation. I slept with a lama the night before I left for this life changing trip, and had an infection by the time we arrived in France. I did some self operation and cured it, only later to twist my wrist in Barcelona, Spain while fisting a dog.


The day I arrived at college we bought three thirty packs of budweiser, and a bottle of K-Y jelly for me. The police showed up at the party we were at and gave minor in posesstions to everyone with a beer in their hand. I casually jerked my dick outside of the party on a couch and the police didn't ask me any questions.

Introducing...The Jello Pack!

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-2 Crazy Jello Straws©
-Authentic Jello baseball cap
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All for only 6 easy payments of $24.99


Copyright R-O-B Enterprises 2009

It has been quite a while but...

It's time...

Here she is.

Who is this Obama guy?

Okay so he’s black. I get that. He may have gotten a job working with the Government in Washington.

But who the fuck does he think he is?

He’s trying to close up Guantanamo. Which is just a prison that spawned a great movie.

And now that he’s on the scene I have no idea where George Bush went.

That dude had a funny ass show on C-SPAN2.

I’m not sure what the deal is.

- Rob & Monty

New Wave/Pop Punk

As I navigated best buy's country section I stumbled upon this little gem that seemed to have been misplaced:



It's actually pretty mediocre but I thought I'd share with all of you.

Here's the pitchfork review

Track List:

01 Overboard (7:18)
02 San Francisco Sandwich [Feat. R-O-B] (3:36)
03 Chad Made Me Sad (2:54)
04 Jerry Springer (Skit) (0:34)
05 Until The End Of Time (1:03)
06 If I Would (You Probably Would Too) [Feat. Architect Nic] (5:39)
07 Awkward Elavator (4:19)
08 Misunderstood (9:12)
09 Doing It For My Dude (1:35)
10 Verse Chorus Verse (3:40)
11 Misunderstood [Reprise] (18:23)
12 Awkward Elevator [Remix][Feat. Steven Spielberg] (6:15)

Further Eructations

It is pretty frequent that someone points out how much it smells in the rooms or areas I occupy. I've had bad gas for a long time now, maybe 8 or 10 months. This is not to say I need surgery or anything.

I don't fart constantly, I simply eat something that might contribute to my stomach not feeling so hot and then I get gas.

I don't make new years resolutions because I usually forget them within a week or two. Not to mention why should I make a resolution about changing something only at one time of the year. If I want to fart even more I can always decide that on February 16th or even 17th.

I have yet to realize that it is 2009.

I'm on vacation and when I get home I'm going to be on vacation until 2010.

- Monty

MITT ROMNEY FOR PRESIDENT

seriouspost

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/11/19/opinion/19romney.html
read this great article by Mitt Romney about the auto industry.

WWOD? (what will obama do?)
discuss.
-Billy

Burrito-fest relief

> Schwimm. Sorry Rob.

-Beni

Belmont 2012

"I'm gonna finish this fifth" - Robert Belmont

I hope everyone will rally in support of our most promising candidate in many years. He's well aware of his growing fanbase.

Don't forget to read his enthralling story below, it's a true testament to how he would run the country.

Added on 11/24/2008: Also look out for him in this month's issue of The Philistine magazine.

-Monty

What up Trevor?

Dude if you're out there I think we should hang out. This is not a very easy thing for me to do considering I had a much better, more appropriate and ultimately more rewarding article to post.

Whatever. Fuck that.

-Monty