5 Movies in 5 Sentences

Avatar: Crippled guy plays out all his blue man group fantasies in the rain forest.

Terminator Salvation: John Conner tries REALLLY hard to get his dad laid.

Inglorious Basterds: Brad Pitt tries to speak Italian, and Eli Roth plays baseball with Germans.

Wall-E: Robot foreplay.

Up: Fat kid annoys an old man.

Shake Weight

Rob Returns (With CD's)

SPRINGFIELD, OREGON – Local Best Buy employee Ricky Belmaunt was arrested this evening for armed robbery and public nudity.

With the release of his new album Have You Gone To Bed Yet? Belmaunt taped copies of the CD to cover his naked body. He went to his shift at the Springfield Best Buy and promoted his album by having customers take the CD's off him. About 3 hours into his shift Belmaunt was out of CD's.

Panicked, Belmaunt reached for a gun he had stashed in one of the washers in the appliance department, and proceeded to demand 200 blank CD's and a computer to burn more copies. Police subdued Belmaunt, about 125 CD's into his burning rampage. He is currently in Sprinfield Prison. Since Belmaunt has 44 previous offenses in Oregon, he will be forced to move back to California within two weeks.

But seriously I'm coming back to Marin on the 1st of September for about a week and I look forward to seeing all the homies. I also do actually have CD's of my new album, so if any of you want one just let me know (I'll have clothes on).

-R4hb

Keyboard Cat

Another Cat Classic

Have You Gone To Bed Yet?

The summer album from R-O-B has finally been released. As promised it dropped this morning on 7/11 (free slurpy day at 7-11). The album features R-O-B, El Pescador, and B-Juice. Enjoy.

Track List:

1. Ricky Died

2. Fatal Disease

3. Naked Next to You (R-O-B, B-Juice, El Pescador)

4. Bezzy Glow (Mychal, bjuice, R-O-B)

5. Endo Snacks (Produced By Chris Cohan)

6. Everything We Do

7. Hell Talk

8. In Tents (freestyle)

9. Movie Music

10. Pussy Mansion

Streaming Link (if you stream click the song link not the play button, it will start in the middle)

Download Link

Doctor Finds Pattern in Late-Forming Adult Disfiguration

KENTFIELD, CALIFORNIA - In a press conference to the public, doctor Brian Jacobson gave a detailed description of his findings on a disease he has been researching for the last ten years. Dr. Jacobson calls the condition Vaginisus, a disease that forms vagina-like openings in adults around the ages of 20-25. According to Dr. Jacobson, the disease can be caused by exceeded exposure to marijuana.

Dr. Jacobson has studied many patients that have been diagnosed with Vaginisus, one named Rowley Montague Thomas. Thomas has been in the presence of a colleague Will Smartt for many years who is an avid marijuana user. Dr. Jacobson found that Thomas' contraction of the disease was due to second hand consumption of the drug. Dr. Jacobson found discoloration around and on the vaginal area, on Thomas' right cheek. "Thomas exhibited no pain with the vagina on his cheek, he actually reported signs of linkage with his own arousal," Dr. Jacobson said in his report, "any erection he had also made his face vagina wet." Dr. Jacobson has not found a cure yet for the disease, but is experimenting with skin transplants and oatmeal therapy. Dr. Jacobson, however, stopped oatmeal therapy due to reports of it being "just gross looking."

Vaginisus has raised many questions in the legalization of marijuana campaign, due to it being the first disease caused by the drug. Mark Faherty, spokesperson for the legalization of marijuana, when asked to comment said, "We are still trying to analyze the validity of Dr. Jacobson's findings, and are working close with him to go over his connections to marijuana and the disease."

Dr. Jacobson is famous for his earlier findings in the connection between Pizzazz and Babies, for which he won a Nobel Prize.


-RAHB

4th of July