A World of No Reason

You would think one of our humanly traits we would inherit from billions of years of existence would be the ability to use reason to answer questions for ourselves, analyze situations, and plain and simple not annoy each other. This is not the case. For example we see moronic drivers on the freeway cutting off each other in two ton metal vehicles going 80 miles per hour, and brushing it off with a kind wave of their hand and mouthing, "Sorry!." In fact a split second difference in the drivers lane change could have caused four deaths, a 54 car pile up, and a shitload of paper work for our police force. We are surrounded by these people who make rash judgments, and false assumptions of the area around themselves. Now don't get me wrong, I have definitely cutoff my share of drivers, and made horrid judgments.

What really gets me is when people ask how to spell words, interrupting teachers, or whomever. "How do you spell that?" I cringe. Let's use our reasoning skills that the Neanderthals fought to increase their brain size for. A-m-m-e-n-d-m-e-n-t, the m's drag on, and the -ment, is a common ending for a lot of English words.

I'm going to end this rant by completely refuting what I just wrote about. If you know me I am a very unreasonable person. I once drove to Portland (2 hours away) at 12 am, blacked out, because I thought it would be "fun," and then drove home, because I was "over it." My alter ego Ricky has no sense reason, but I completely blame that on him, and as I finish this third glass of Wild Turkey I'll see you in about 30 minutes in this infamous world of no reason.

-Rob

Fuck Christmas-- A recursive haiku

Tomorrow is Christmas.
It is time to celebrate
The birth of a fictitious man.
Everything will be closed.
Jews will be bored, and the Catholics will praise,
Fuck this fucking holiday, I'd rather watch a church blaze.

- Bilnest Smartingway

Robert Trapped in Digestive Tract of Large Herbavore

Robert has just been eaten by a hippo according to an AP report released 47 seconds ago. We are unaware of where this occurred but supposedly he's stuck in the digestive tract of an African Hippopotamus. He says that he is okay and still has a pack of cigarettes so he'll be fine for a few hours.

His cell phone can be heard ringing from inside the animal but no one can get near enough to hear his voice.

Updates to follow.

-Monty

She Seems Like an Angel

She seemed like angel, waking up in my New York Nick's jersey, covering her lower regions. She started sucking on a red vine, and said, "What are we doing today." It was totally not like that. She had long black hair in a pony tail and she walked around my apartment like only gravity held her down. This was not the case.

Gravity held me down. I was hungover; I had met her at a glorified bar the night before, and I had not remembered bringing her home. She seemed almost at home, strutting all over my kitchen, looking in the refrigerator for food I definitely did not have.

"So what do you want to do today," she asked

I couldn't come to a decision, so I suggested, "Breakfast?"

We drove to a horrible iHopish diner, that served the usual eggs and bacon. We got started on a conversation that derived into small talk.

I drove her home after breakfast.

From Us at the Philistine

It's just two days until Christmas, and I'm still
hiccuping. It might be all of he wild turkey I drank, or it might be Saint Nick telling me I'm a naughty boy. Regardless, Christmas is around the corner. I hope everyone gets their iPhones, iPods, snowboards, black dildos, etc. I don't really have a point here, but if santa comes down your chimney kick him in the balls, because he turned a holiday into credit debt, because I know first hand.

-Rob

Merry Christmas from all of us at The Philistine

This has been a busy year for The Philistine. We were born and almost died as Trevor put us all to shame with his thoughts about relationships. Billy finished another semester at Harvard and is now spending his days either preparing for next semester or driving around in cricles in an attempt to take advantage of the low price of gasoline. Beni is moving on with his wide range of studies including microbiology, astrophysics, quantum mechanics, psychobiology and of course chemical engineering. Little Beni is still enjoying fly fishing, racing his mclaren F1 that he got last Christmas and has now added slack lining and caddying to his list of pleasures. Robert and I are now experienced empty nesters. Even though we are both still working hard, Robert is currently holding a full time position in the oval office as well as bussing tables at Denny's, we manage to fit in lots of adventures. Trying out as many Eugene restaurants as time and our waistlines permit has become a frequent activity. We also had fun skiing the French Alps in February, just got back from a fabulous trip to the moon and spent the summer in Dubai at its new refrigerated beach. We were underwhelmed by Dubai because our lives are much more extravagant and interesting when compared to the modesty to that of such a primitive environment but we both did our best to lower our standards. With hopes for stability and peace in the New Year, our family wishes yours a less fancy 2009 than ours.

Wishing you and your loved ones a very financially unstable Holiday Season.

Robert, Montague, Benjamin, William and Trevor

My Mag

So for my final project of Digital Arts 250, I had to make a magazine of "west 11th st." It's a strip in Eugene, Oregon that is just so outrageous. Fast food, strip malls, and to top it off a wallmart! I really enjoyed making this mag, and am happy to receive crits on it. Btw im watching the dark night, and heath ledger is so fucking good at acting...


http://www.mediafire.com/?wnvynjuzovj